confessions of a sinner

Have you ever lived a day that is absent of prayer? I know that I have. And what a tragic day it is to go to bed realizing that God wasn't important enough to you to spend time with during a busy day. I would like to be truthful in saying that those days came and went for me as I began my relationship with God, still learning His goodness and truth in His word. But, if I were to really be truthful, I would confess that days like these do appear sporadically in my current state of spiritual existence.

This is a terrible, terrible thing. For one, it proves my absolute tendency to disobey God and stray from His holiness (which is technically a good thing, because it shows my state of sin and need for a Savior). "...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." (Romans 3:23). I oftentimes prefer what is easy, that which does not impose on my lifestyle, and all that adheres to my innermost desire for comfort. I want to take on the task of life on by myself; I want to be sufficient in and of myself.

Nonetheless, my desire to pray and be intimate with God (outside of reading His word, which although this is relatively consistent in my life, I have found that the intimacy intended to be shared with God is incomplete without prayer) is petty. It is oftentimes me focused (in the sense that I almost treat God as though He is a genie to make my wishes come true) and the same gargle that I choke up in most of my prayers. Here is the proof that I am a sinner, and here unfolds the truth that my view of God is limited, incomplete, and potentially inaccurate.


Now, I have come to this realization after applying that earlier post on waking up early for intimate time with the Lord. Although that meant 10 minutes earlier than the normal rooster call, it made the world of difference today, as I have found myself naturally turning to God in prayer. It is natural to me today (so far, as it is only 9:15am), an overflow of spiritual intimacy spent at the beginning of my day.

But what about later today at 3:45pm when I'm tired of making copies and itching to go home? What excuse will I use then for a halt in intimacy with God? Am I so far removed from holiness that I allow my circumstances to dictate my joy? Am I such a sinner that I cannot know God on my own?

The answer is YES. I need God, so desperately and so inherently. I fail, and I fail so often. I cannot even approach God without His Spirit moving in me towards Him!

"But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life." (Titus 3:4-7)

What a sweet verse! God is the One who brings us to Him, and He is the One working in us "...both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13)

God, work in me today to bring me closer to you. Change my heart to learn more of your character, allowing this to transform my heart and in turn, my actions. May I grow in surrendering my will to You; deepen the understanding of my depravity, that I may know you more.